love marks

It has been one year since I learned that I was pregnant, and as I reflect on the past year, I am amazed at myself - at what my body has gone through and accomplished in such a relatively short amount of time. In that year, I have stretched my skin to the limit by gaining and losing (almost) almost 50 pounds. My body has changed from something that was once my own to something that is now at the total mercy of another, and I am okay with that. My clothes and shoes fit a little snug, one of my toes has a crick in it, my rings are now too small, my skin is softer, I don't even know what my belly button is doing (not sure it will ever recover!).....the list can go on! During my pregnancy I dreaded the spiral lines that now populate my belly and sides, but as I look at them today, I think about how lucky I am to have them. I look at my scar across my lower abdomen and am reminded of the exciting and terrifying night Poppy was born....the night my belly stopped growing and my heart began to swell. I see those marks on my skin and changes to my body as signs of love, health, and happiness. Without those changes that my body went through, Poppy would not have been the little girl she is today. She is practically perfect. I have successfully incubated one of the cutest, sweetest, smartest, most amazing creature I have ever known, and I am proud of my body for that. I am a mother now because of those changes - a place of comfort, nourishment, and warmth for our daughter.

a flower

We've decided to name our sweet baby girl Poppy. Her middle name hasn't been finalized yet, but we have it narrowed down and will have it soon enough. When we were trying to come up with the perfect name, we knew that we wanted something that is unique and lively and that has a namesake (whether it was an interesting/dear person, a memorable place we had been to, or a beautiful part of nature). So Poppy she is.

What's she up to these days? Growing and wiggling! I'm told regularly "You've grown!!" by people who see me on a regular basis. I take it as a compliment. :) Poppy is kicking up a storm! It's been so much fun to be able to feel her moving around almost all the time. Mitch and I always wonder what she's doing...what's she thinking...does she have growing pains right now, too?

My mom was down a couple of weekends ago and helped us put the nursery together. It's so stinking sweet! Sometimes we just go sit in there and imagine what Poppy will be like and how much she will change our lives. I'll post pictures of it soon.

a baby belly

For months I awaited our little bean to grow big enough so that she would start showing herself. Now that she is making her debut, I realize I was fortunate to go 4 months and wear all of my normal clothes. Over the past couple of weeks, my wardrobe has drastically decreased due to the growing baby girl in my tummy. (Yes, we found out recently that we're having a girl!) While I do struggle to get dressed in the mornings, I happily go through my days so proud to show off my baby belly. I've chuckled at all the people who will outright ask me if I'm pregnant, and I've enjoyed all the kind words that people have for me about motherhood and baby girls.
With Baby Girl's growth, I'm much more able to feel her movements. I thought I could feel them starting about a month ago, but now I can really feel them. Even Mitch has been able to feel her moving the past couple of days. I notice her moving the most in the mornings, right as I'm going to bed, and during the night. I love just sitting with my hand on my belly as she wiggles around. It is a little strange feeling, but it brings big smiles to our faces when we feel her move!

a fig

Mitch and I learned that I am pregnant a couple of months ago. We immediately found an app for our phone that gives us a little update each day on what our baby is up to. This week (week 11), he is the size of a fig! (We switch between he and she to avoid calling baby an it.)It's amazing to think about the life that I'm carrying inside of me. I haven't been sick (other than a little gaggy every once in a while), and so far I haven't noticed any real physical change to my body (other than a few people telling me that I'm "glowing" and a few pairs of pants that won't button anymore). How is a baby growing inside of me, and I don't feel a thing!!?? Of course I'm flooded with emotions - love, joy, pride (look what we made!), excitement. I wouldn't say that I'm "flooded" with fear - I have thought long and hard about the process of giving birth to a human, and while it does sound a little scary, I'm also a little excited about the whole experience. (Those who have given birth already, please don't burst my bubble and tell my how painful it is...I've watched plenty of videos/documentaries, and I get the picture.) Mitch and I are stoked about the new life this little one will bring, and we daydream about what "parenting" is all about. We're totally proud parents already (all 18 of our ultrasound pictures are hanging on our fridge!), and we are totally in love with our baby already.

love love love

Contrary to what some of you may think, Mitch and I actually don't agree on everything. There are small things that we have learned about each other over the years that drive each other crazy: the way each of us cooks or cleans the kitchen, the way Mitch has to research everything for hours/days/months before making a move, or the way I make a mess everywhere I go without bothering to clean up after myself (at least very often). But we also disagree on spiritual philosophies. Not that we completely disagree with one another...we just have our own unique ways of looking at life and the world around us. Neither of us are emotionally or spiritually connected to religion, but we both are moved by what I call "god" and what Mitch calls "science". What we do wholeheartedly agree on is the necessity of having unwavering respect for each other and having a love for one another that is unconditional. And if we have those things, what else matter, really? We do not think any less of one another for our differences; in fact I believe it brings a higher curiosity and respect to the relationship because of the different ideas we are able to confront each other with. It definitely calls for lengthy and lively conversations!

a connection

Last weekend I got to Skype with my good friend Audrey, who moved from Bryan to North Carolina about a year ago with her kick-ass family. Audrey and I always have great conversations, and after all of them I feel so refreshed and inspired. During our conversation last week, we talked about the mystery of connections between people: how you can have everything in common with some people and not click at all, but on the other hand have very few things in common with other people and know instantly that you want to become life-long friends with them. It makes sense when you think about it...it really is "the heart that matters more" as Adam Duritz would sing. I have some truly wonderful friends with whom I share deep connections. While they all have very different lifestyles and even beliefs, when I think about their similarities, I can say that they are thought-provoking, funny, and have great senses of adventure. They love life and are not afraid of living outside the lines. The flip side of having these deep connections with the people I love is that the majority of them live over 600 miles away from me! Thank goodness for that Skype connection!

a paddle and a tent

I grew up as a country girl, and I feel like I am still a country girl at heart. But I know that living in the city for almost 10 years now has citified me...and sometimes makes me feel like a big weenie! I love the country...the quiet days that can turn into weeks, the lack of dependence on things city people take for granted, he home-cooked meals, and the comfort of being able to hang out in your yard in your skivvies without having to worry about neighbors. Living in the country teaches you how to live simply and resourcefully, and that's hard to maintain when you get use to living in the city. I have grown use to living only a couple miles from work, being 2 minutes from the grocery store, having dozens of restaurants to fall back on if we don't feel like cooking, being near to Blockbuster on a Friday night, and having cell phone service almost anywhere I go. Don't get me wrong -we enjoy taking advantage of the convenience of everything!

Not that camping for a couple of nights is anything near the same as country life, but it does make me miss that lifestyle. Mitch and I have gone camping twice over the past couple of weeks. The first time was at Lake Sommerville. We camped on a campsite with all the other cityfolk. Next to a couple of RVs and a truck full of fisherman, we definitely weren't able to enjoy the "peaceful" outdoors, but we did have a good time. We brought stuff to build a campfire, cook hobo meals and s'mores, and of course our tent. The stars were in full sight (which is not a luxury we get in big Bryan), and the weather was cool and perfect for camping.

The second camping trip was a bit more adventurous. Will, Lindsey, Jeff, Mitch, and I started our trip in canoes down the Brazos River. Stopping occasionally for a quick swim, tree swing, or hike, we paddled about 15 miles on the first day. We knew that we would need to make decent time because the weather reports had said that it was likely to rain that evening. Will had a map drawn out of where he knew some good camping spots would be, and we finally came to the spot to settle in for the evening. We gathered firewood, set up our tents, and got to cooking before we lost our daylight. Within just 15 minutes or so of finishing our fajitas, it started raining....and then pouring. It rained hard several times throughout the night, and the lightening and thunder seemed to be right on top of us! Lindsey, Mitch, and I were sharing a tent, and we were sure that our tent was either going to get blown away by the wind or washed away by all the rain. After what felt like a night and storm that would never end, the sun finally started coming up, and the storm moved on...just in time for a big breakfast of bacon and eggs before hitting the road. The take-out place was only a couple of miles down the river. It was a short but awesome canoeing and camping trip...one that made me feel small but real among the great forces of nature.